Five Ways To See Anew & Find Another Perspective

 

Last week I made the case for Why You Need To See Anew & Find Another Perspective.

 

Because even though you know that today’s problems won’t get resolved by the same approaches you’ve taken in the past …

And even though you know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Albert Einstein) …

Even though you know all this, you still find yourself banging your head against the wall when that frustrating colleague is late with his report … again.

And you still find yourself reacting the same ol’ same ol’ way to your partner when he forgets to bring home the milk like he said he would …. again.

 

Even though you know it’s important to take another look, to gain a new perspective I can be tough to actually do that.

 

But it doesn’t have to be.

 

Here are 5 simple approaches to enlarging your perspective, to finding novel ways to solve pesky problems.

 

  1. Realize you have biases. We see what we expect to see. Case in point- my kiddo sent me the gorgeous picture of an eye (above). I asked him if I could use it for this blog post & also asked him whose eye it was. Turns out it’s my eye! I was expecting it to be someone else’s so I didn’t even recognize the very same body part I look in the mirror at every morning!

 

What to do with your biases? Search for the boundaries of your perspective. Put another way ask yourself how your culture affects your worldview. An easy way to realize the effects of culture is to examine your relationship with time. Is time a commodity, something that can be diced, shaved, saved, banked? Or is it a fluid, more liquid concept? Your answer will have a direct relationship with your culture

.

 

  1. Take a hard look at your assumptions. Assumptions are tricky devils. They are so so difficult for us to see but often obvious to others. The answer? Question question question.

 

For example, why do we say ‘the light bulb went off’ to describe when inspiration hits but the picture of the light bulb is always on & the scene is full of light. It should be the opposite. If a light bulb goes off, it should be dark, like this Moen ad, which beautifully turns an assumption on its head.

When you’re up against the wall of a pernicious problem seek out the assumptions you are making. Once you identify them, alternative options arise more easily.

 

 

  1. Look in front of you. Look for the resources that are hiding right in front of your nose. You just might find a magical kingdom.

 

I’ll write more about this next week, how I discovered a really, truly magical kingdom right in front of my face.  In the meantime next time a problem is staring you down, stare right back & look for resources that may just be hiding in plain sight.

 

 

  1. Look behind you. If a picture tells a story of a thousand words, our first glance tends to tell a much shorter story. In mere seconds we lock in an opinion, a viewpoint & then we’re onto the next thing.

Case in point. Do you recognize this symbol? You likely said it’s the Bluetooth symbol. What if I told you it is also the nickname for an ancient King who unified Denmark, Sweden & Norway & the Bluetooth symbol is a combination of his initials?

Next time you bump up against a challenge look behind you, behind the problem. Dig deeper beyond first impressions, look for options, for alternatives. Look for the story.

 

 

  1. Look anew. Find an alternative way to use something.

 

Case in point. We’d been on safari with our camping clan (yes that’s us & yes that’s a lion walking between the tents). My dear friend Sarah, who’s not too keen on safari camping especially after the lion visit, pulled out an IPad & started to read some magazines. That & some vino kept her mind off said lion.

I was gobsmacked.

Because I prefer reading books in print (not online) I made the mistake of assuming magazines had to be read the same way. Not so. Since that safari I’ve had a subscription to Texture, which gives me access to hundreds of magazines every month. Now that’s my kinda bliss – bite size learning, on the go & always accessible. It only came about though because I saw someone using an alternative way to read a print magazine.

Stop the head banging

So the next time you find yourself banging your head against the wall with a pesky problem, practice gaining a new perspective by: realize your biases, take a hard look at your assumptions, look in front of you, look behind you & look anew.

 

Need a practical way to practice? In two weeks I’ll share a super fun, easy, creative way to do just that. In the meantime be thinking of a pesky problem that you need to see anew with some new perspective.

 

Annnnnnd take action

  • Practice looking for assumptions you make, especially the next time you face a problem
  • Look in front, look behind, look anew
  • Check out some of my other blog posts on finding a new perspective
  • Share your results! Leave a comment below & let me know how it went.
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Why You Need To See Anew & Find Another Perspective

Photo Credit: Frank Reitz Flickr via Compfight cc

 

Even though you know that today’s problems won’t get resolved by the same approaches you’ve taken in the past …

 

Even though you know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (attributed to Albert Einstein) …

 

Photo Credit: RLHyde Flickr via Compfight cc

Even though you know all this, you still find yourself banging your head against the wall when that frustrating colleague is late with his report … again.

 

And you still find yourself reacting the same ol’ same ol’ way to your partner when he forgets to bring home the milk like he said he would …. again.

 

 

 

Even though you know it’s important to take another look, to gain a new perspective …

 

It’s tough to actually do that.

 

Photo Credit: Amy McTigue Flickr via Compfight cc

It’s harder than trying to put a pair of pants on a 2 year old who doesn’t want to get dressed.

 

It’s harder than staying cool & collected when your teenager gives you ‘that’ look – the one that manages to convey with a raised eyebrow & a slight sneer, that you know nothing & you’re ridiculous.

 

Yep gaining a new perspective it’s haaaaard.

 

And ….

 

 

It doesn’t have to be.

 

Next week I’ll share 5 easy ways to take another look, create a new perspective & to shed some light on tenacious, sticky problems.

 

But first, before we take another look, a peek at possibilities, a gateway to novel solutions, let’s talk baggage. Yours, ours & theirs.

 

We all come with baggage.

CC licensed prof use

 

And yet while other people’s baggage is often easy to id, seeing our own is elusively difficult.

 

Our baggage is based on lots of things, which all come together to form a very unique perspective – yours. Your perspective is as unique as your fingerprint. It’s a powerful potent combination of:

 

  • your age
  • your gender
  • the language(s) you speak
  • your family culture
  • your organizational culture
  • where you live
  • your ethnicity
  • your religious/spiritual beliefs
  • your physical abilities & more

 

All of the above intertwine to create your culture, which Gerd Hofstede beautifully defines as the collective programming of the mind that divides us into groups.

 

How can we break free?

Given that we have a strong tendency, even an urge, to look at things the way we always have & given that our culture tends to keep our perspective locked in tightly without us even knowing it, how can we break free?

 

Photo Credit: www.ilkkajukarainen.fi Flickr via Compfight cc

 

Next week I’ll demonstrate 5 simple approaches to enlarging your perspective. Stay tuned- they have to do with my discovering a mystery eye, light bulbs, a magical kingdom, Bluetooth & a real live lion.

 

Annnnnnd take action

 

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Resilience Is About How You Recharge Not How You Endure

I’m the Queen of suck it up. I can put my nose to the grindstone & buckle down with the best of them. Hours can pass without my noticing my shoulders are aching, my back is sore & I need to go to the bathroom. I work hard, really hard.  That’s why I need an image like the one on the wall beside my desk.

 

When I was a full time university student, I also worked full time (to get enough money for the former). I recall holding a meeting in the bathroom one time because deadlines were looming.

 

I started my business when my first kiddo was a baby. I recall with immense gratitude when the dual telephone ring was invented. I could tell by the ring tone if the caller was for my business or not & didn’t have to clench my stomach in knots when picking up the phone, scared it would be a business caller & my baby would be crying in the background.

 

I was born with a sense of urgency. I’ve always wanted to learn MORE, do MORE, reach out into this big beautiful world & experience MORE. Not surprisingly, until recently, I had an odd relationship with time- I always saw it as a commodity & one that there was never enough of.

 

This sense of urgency, of putting my nose to the grindstone & sucking it up has served me well. I put myself through university – I was the first one in my family to get a university degree let alone a Masters degree – & I’ve made a wonderful life rich with experiences in my adopted home of Kenya, while creating a business I love, serving clients that are working hard to effect social change.

 

And yet …

 

Last December, when I was doing planning for this year, I came up with 3 themes that I wanted to reflect on for the upcoming year. My relationship with time was one of them. I have a handy reminder by my desk & it’s been uber helpful in rolling over in my mind how I relate to time.

 

 

As I age, I realize there are benefits to breathers & breaks. It’s not lazy to kick back on my patio, to meditate, to draw, make a collage or even (Gasp! Confession time) watch my beloved reality TV shows or hit the dance floor. It’s rejuvenating.

 

I work hard at creating blank time – aka time where I don’t have to do anything or be anywhere. It’s a hard won habit as I still have to squelch the urge to fill my hard won blank time.

 

Turns out I’m not alone in my thinking. Research backs me up.

 

You don’t have to endure or suck it up. Rather recharging amps up your resilience.

 

When you hear the word resilience what do you think of?

 

The dictionary definition is “speedy recovery from problems” & “elasticity.”

 

Let’s focus on what it takes to have a resilient attitude in the first place.

 

  1. We have a problem Houston. Our attitude for starters. We often take a militaristic, “tough” approach to resilience and grit.” (Re)enter my notion of sucking it up. Put up, shut up, grit your teeth, bare down.

 

  1. Following close on the heels of our misplaced attitude is focusing on the wrong thing. It’s not so much our hectic schedule, it’s our lack of recovery time.

 

Why can’t we be tougher — more resilient and determined in our work – so we can accomplish all of the goals we set for ourselves? Based on our current research, we have come to realize that the problem is not our hectic schedule ….; the problem comes from a misunderstanding of what it means to be resilient, and the resulting impact of overworking.

 

 

  1. The very lack of a recovery period is dramatically holding back our collective ability to be resilient and successful.  What gets in the way of recovery periods?

 

Lack of sleep

Juggling too many plates, that are too full & spinning too fast

Expectations of our self being higher than Mount Everest (seriously would you ever hold anyone else to your personal standards?)

And yes, the ‘continuous cognitive arousal from watching our phones’

 

  1. What do we mean by recovery period? The key to resilience is trying really hard, then stopping, recovering, and then trying again.

 

Turns out it’s a bit of a mathematical equation. Try hard, stop, recover, rinse & repeat. And the more time you spend in the trying hard zone, the more time you need in the recovery zone. Why? Otherwise burnout can come knocking, & who wants to open that door?

 

  1. Taking time to celebrate. I do training for individual, team & organizational effectiveness in a variety of areas but one area I notice that teams & organizations consistently miss is celebrating. Check something off the list & it’s onto the next thing without taking a breath to pause, reflect, assess & celebrate.

 

In my experience working with clients in & from more than 80 countries, celebration helps build endurance & resilience & who doesn’t want that. When was the last time you celebrated for no reason?

 

  1. The link between resilience & humour. Years ago Rock.Paper.Scissors Inc. used to give out awards fro the strategic use of humour in the workplace. (Strategic is key; no laughing at)  It was my favourite time of the year when the nominations came in.

 

There’s lots of brain science to back up why humour is so strategic but for now, simply know that your brain is on fire when it’s reacting to humour. As anyone who’s learned a second language knows, it’s really tough to decode humour in another language. Our brain is igniting the part of our brain that we use for strategic & innovative thinking when we’re decoding humour.

 

What’s more we learn to laugh before we learn to walk or talk. Laughter is universal. So go on, provoke, prompt & promote the strategic use of humour.

 

 

  1. Keep your head up & focus on your goal, your vision. For example here are Richard Branson’s 8 tips for living your best life.  Think of them as passwords to a life well lived. Check them out & rank them in terms of importance to you.

 

  1. Keep your head down. Take “Strategic stopping” breaks. Focus on the details, on “internal recovery.”

 

“Internal recovery refers to the shorter periods of relaxation that take place within the frames of the workday or the work setting in the form of short scheduled or unscheduled breaks, by shifting attention or changing to other work tasks when the mental or physical resources required for the initial task are temporarily depleted or exhausted.

 

Here are some examples of internal recovery, strategic stopping breaks:

Meditate for 5 minutes

Doodle

Stretch

Take a look at the clouds in the sky- describe what they look like

Ask / answer a question – my oldest kiddo who’s now at university & I take turns asking & answering each other questions on Facebook messenger. Recent examples include: What does your hairstyle, including facial hair, say about you? What’s something I don’t know about your childhood?

 

  1. Take time for “external recovery breaks”

 

External recovery refers to actions that take place outside of work—e.g. in the free time between the workdays, and during weekends, holidays or vacations.”

 

Here’s some examples:

Take an online course (I’ve just started a drawing course on Creative Live & am loving it)

Read – check out these free books on kindle

Work towards social change – pick up a kid’s social change book & read to a little person in your life

Explore your community with new eyes. Check out a cultural celebration – here’s a picture of us attending the Hindu Holi celebration (festival of colours or love, where people throw powdered colours at each other with wild abandon).

Remember the old school paper fortune tellers? Grab a colleague or friend & play. Here’s one I’ve made for you to download.

 

So from the recovering Queen of suck it up, I bestow upon you, 9 strategies to build your resilience & they all have to do with how you recharge.

  • Examine your attitude & ditch the militaristic approach
  • Create recovery time
  • Incorporate humour & celebration
  • Keep your head up & focus on your vision
  • Keep your head down & focus on strategic stopping breaks both with internal & external recovery periods

 

 

Annnnnnnd take action:

 

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10 tips for uncluttering your life, not just your stuff – Part Two

Photo Credit: hellotidy Flickr via Compfight cc

 

Don’t pass go, stop & chop first.

 

It stands to reason that if we have less stuff in the first place then we have less stuff to organize, clean, schlepp etc. It’s a basic formula but one we tend to forgo.

 

Based on a recent personal experience of getting my beloved’s side of the bedroom organized (possible for the first time in 28 years) I learned how important it is to purge first, organize second.

 

 

But my real ah ha moment was yet to come.

 

When I was out walking our mutts one lovely Nairobi morning, I realized this principle of decluttering first in order to get organized applies not just to our stuff, but also to our time & our work.

 

Here are the second batch of tips for uncluttering your life, not just your stuff (see last week’s post for the first 5).

 

 

Take a breath, even if it’s cramped at first, because you’re about to create some breathing room, some more space. Ready?

 

  1. Create a not-to-do list – I’m obsessed with to-do lists. They help get flotsam & jetsam out of my blender brain so I can contrite. However they can be overwhelming so I also create a not-to do list.

 

  1. Delete stuff you’re not using on your phone – quick, take a peek at your phone screen. Is it cluttered & overflowing with apps, clean, mean n’ organized or somewhere in between? A study found the average person touches their phone 2,617 times a day! Note to Self podcast about the Bored & Brilliant project.

 

  1. Take 5. Or 10. I’ve recently started using the Simple Habit app to practice meditating. I love the sense of accomplishment I get when it adds up how long I’ve meditated in total, how many days in a row etc. Spiffy, simple.

 

  1. Avoid the temptation to fill. When you’ve created that space (on your phone, from your not to do lists etc.) … avoid … the … temptation … to … fill … it.

 

  1. Gently remind yourself. Life intrudes – that report is due tomorrow & you haven’t started it, your laundry baskets are only slightly less full than your email inbox, you’re aiming to get up early & exercise tomorrow, the fridge has to be filled & meals cooked etc etc. So make sure you create a reminder of your decluttering strategies.

 

As a oh-but-I-am-tempted-to-fill-the-space kinda person, I’ve created a simple reminder that I hung on my office wall. Inspired by Lara Wellman I took a 3 panel picture frame (you can use a smaller one or bigger one as you wish), put some nice paper in the frames (as opposed to pictures) & then wrote on the panes of glass with whiteboard markers. See below for a shot of mine.

 

 

Annnnnnnd take action:

 

 

  • Delete stuff you’re not using on your phone & then breathe a sigh of relief

 

 

  • And when you’ve created some space …. Don’t…. fill …. It (this from my partner as I was (still am?) in the habit of creating space only to fill it)

 

  • Create a reminder – make a frame with some pretty paper, & use whiteboard markers to write your reminder

 

  • Let me know how it’s going by leaving a comment via the spiffy workflowy app (seriously, this is an amazing tool- try it out right now)

 

 

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10 tips for uncluttering your life, not just your stuff

Photo Credit: Brett Jordan Flickr via Compfight cc

Does the name Marie Kondo ring a bell? She’s the Japanese de-cluttering guru that people are gaga over. (If you don’t know her work check out this summary of her approach by Cate La Farge Summers.)

 

Like me, you probably spend a lot of time organizing, cleaning & schlepping stuff from one room to another, from one floor to another etc.

 

One of the key things Marie lays out in her book is the importance of purging our stuff. This is a key first step that many forget. We tend to jump straight to the organizing of said stuff. (Hang in there for a personal example below.)

 

It stands to reason that if we have less stuff in the first place then we have less stuff to organize, clean, schlepp etc. It’s a basic formula but one we tend to forgo.

 

Sounds obvious but I see it over & over. We go straight to organizing without purging first.

 

Don’t pass go, stop & chop first.

 

I swoon at the thought of getting organized. Seriously, it helps me relax so I can power onto my work more effectively & efficiently.

 

Not so my crazy, creative, big picture, mountain top beloved. Years ago when we first started dating & I was making some lists, he leaned over my shoulder & whispered ‘don’t those make your head hurt?’ I was seriously confused. I had not a hot clue what he was talking about.

 

Twenty-eight years have since passed & he’s introduced me to universes I didn’t know existed because we see the world in very different ways.

 

And to this day I go to his office every few months & help dig it out.

 

It’s been a significant challenge to figure out what organizing strategies work for his working & learning style (which is so different from mine). Hint: magazine folders, each labeled with a picture of the publication inside, has worked like a charm for more than a year now.

 

Can I resist the temptation to say that our brains interpret pictures 600,000 times faster than text? Nope.

 

 

Recently I embarked on a massive challenge (in my eyes only, as this wasn’t an issue for my beloved).

 

Challenge: I wanted his side of the bedroom tidied up a bit.

Context: Let me set the stage for you – his side often looks like several suitcases vomited their contents onto the floor while a pack of toddlers decided to see just how tangled they could get the many electrical cords lying amongst the detritus.

Solution: I decided to switch out his chest of drawers for a wardrobe (& yes he knew & yes he agreed). No need to hang, fold or other pesky details. Just open door, push stuff in, close door & be done.

Outcome: My goal was to tidy up his side of the bedroom without causing him any pain or consternation aka to do it in a way that worked with his organizing style. It worked! The floor is visible, he likes his new wardrobe & I am breathing easier.

 

Learning moments from a wardrobe,

 

So why am I telling you this rather personal story?

 

He always says that not every moment is a learning moment but I beg to differ. I was fascinated to notice that when we started he was organizing his stuff without purging it first. I gently asked if he really needed his 3 decade old address book on the middle shelf of his new wardrobe (aka prime real estate space).

 

We’re still working on rewinding & purging some of this stuff first but you get the point. Purge first, organize second.

 

My ah ha moment

 

When I was out walking our mutts one lovely Nairobi morning, I realized this principle of decluttering first in order to get organized applies not just to our stuff, but also to our time & our work.

 

Here are 10 tips for uncluttering your life, not just your stuff

 

Take a breath, even if it’s cramped at first, because you’re about to create some breathing room, some more space. Ready?

  1. Core desired feeling – I’m a huge fan (& close friend truth be told) of Danielle LaPorte’s work. She has created a unique process for figuring out how you want to feel- what she calls your core desired feelings (CDF). Your CDF’s in turn help your prioritization, your work, your ambitions, your choices etc. My CDFs are spacious possibilities – I’m at my best when I feel unrestricted, & when I have space to create.

It’s been a learning process to figure out that when I’m grumpy & not at my best, it’s almost always because I’m not feeling my CDFs. In order to start uncluttering your life I recommend you find out your own CDFs. Here’s how to do just that.

 

  1. Pay attention to your pain points – this is the opposite of #1. Where finding your CDF’s is asset or strength based, this one flips the mirror & asks you to find what’s not If you know what’s not working (what’s uncomfortable, tiresome, frustrating etc.) you can start to take action on relieving those pains.

Here’s an example. I’m embarrassed to admit that after 20 years in business for myself I was spending ages looking up people’s contact info. It was a slow & frustrating experience. After realizing this was a big pain point for me, I did a technology audit on my business, where I made a list of other things that weren’t working well. Then I worked with a professional to help me find solutions to those pain points. Voila a new contact management system.

So pay attention to what’s cramping your style. Jot it down. Make a list.

 

  1. Five bucks for Fiverr – back to those pain points, if there’s something driving you nuts or an itch you need to scratch, check out Fiverr. It’s a portal of things that vendors will do for $5.00 USD. I’ve had many an infographic designed beautifully by the Codeville, a vendor on Fiverr. Sweet, easy, efficient & effective. High five for fiverr.

Here’s an example. I had my CV put into an infographic.

 

  1. Getting organized in Google era; I once saw Douglas Merrill speak (the former CIO of Google) & I bought his book of the same name on the spot. It’s been an inspiration for how technology can bring me ease & efficiency (one of the workshops I teach is how to use technology in this way & more). A sanity saver of mine is using technology to get stuff out of my blender brain & into a portal. In other words I make sure to get the whorls of to do’s, ah ha’s, what if’s & must remembers into a place where I can refer back to them.

Workflowy is one of the tools I use for that very purpose. It’s super easy, & because it works in the cloud, it’s across all my devices (phone, laptop, tablet). Want to see how it works? You can because it’s also shareable. Here’s the link. I’ve made it editable so please add a comment if you wish.

 

  1. Know your boilerplate; say what? Boilerplate text is text you type over & over. It may be how you open your emails, how you respond to LinkedIn invites, a particular email you write incessantly etc. It can be URLs you use all the time, even pictures. Make a list of them (bonus: you can keep your list in workflowy) & then for the sake of your mental health get a text expander.

Text expanders do just that- you ‘teach’ the program what an abbreviation stands for & when you type that abbreviation it expands it into text (or picture or URL) you want. Important note: the abbreviation has to be something you don’t normally type or else unwanted text will keep being inserted. Here are some examples of text expanders: TypeIt4Me (this is the one I use, it works on Macs), FastFox or Breevy (both are Mac & PC compatible).

 

Here’s an example. One of my abbreviations is thankq. When I type thankq the following picture is automatically inserted.

Bonus: text expanders work across all platforms, so you use them in email, word, excel, on your blog etc. Cool huh!

 

 

I’m well aware that 4 of my 5 suggestions involve tech so I’m also aware that your head might be spinning a tad.

 

So there you go, let’s pause for now.

 

Take a break, try some of the above & next week, inspired by figuring out how to sort out my beloved’s side of the bedroom, I’ll be back with 5 more tips for uncluttering your life, not just your stuff.

 

And know that I’m hard at work on my website redesign. It’s coming along nicely, as is my reboot for my social media strategy. I can’t wait to share it & engage with you. Stand by.

 

Annnnnd take action:

 

  1. Figure out not just what you want to do but what your core desired feelings are
  2. Id attention your pain points
  3. Resolve a pain point with fiverr
  4. Get stuff out of your blender brain & into something like workflowy– click on the link & try it right now by leaving me a message
  5. Get a text expander & save tons of time & hassle
  6. Let me know how it goes in the comment section below. I’d love to hear, as always.

 

 

 

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How do you say this word? → refuse

 

I was recently visiting dear friends in NYC. I’d originally met them in Nairobi but now they call New York home. We were having a wonderful evening on the rooftop patio of their new apartment in Brooklyn.

 

We’d taken the ferry over from Manhattan to discover their little oasis. The breeze off the East River whispered through the tall grasses planted on their rooftop garden. We were indulging our palates with salmon from home, beer & my partner’s beloved extra aged Gouda cheese.

 

As we left the patio to go back to their apartment, my friend, a non-native English speaker, commented on this sign we passed.

 

So how do you say that word again?

 

Does your pronunciation rhyme with shoes & the words means to deny or not accept.   Or does it rhyme with chartreuse & means waste or garbage?

 

My friend thought it meant the former & wondered what a room for denying or not accepting would be for.

 

Tangent: the mind boggles at the opportunities – a place to:

  • practice saying no, setting kind but firm boundaries
  • stomp your feet & act out your inner two year old on a bad day
  • practice tricky workplace negotiations
  • imagine scenarios of what would have happened if you’d said no to x, y or z

 

Your perspective depends on your culture including your language, where you are in the world, your literacy level, your context, your mood & even your last meal.

 

Say what?!

 

Yes when you last ate can completely affect your perspective.

 

In a study of roughly 5000 Israeli parole hearing cases, the ‘strongest predictor of a judge’s decision was how many hours it had been since the judge’s had eaten a meal,’ says Robert Sapolsky in a recent NPR TED radio hour called ‘How much agency do we have over our behavior?’

 

In other words how hungry or sated the judges were had a huge impact on whether they granted the prisoner parole or not. It was the biggest factor in their decision, yet they were completely unaware of it affecting their decisions.

 

Robert Sapolsky says ‘when we put people in positions of making moral judgments about behaviour, we see the more emotional parts of brain activate before the [logical, rational] cortical parts.’  He goes on to say that ‘free will is the biology that hasn’t been discovered yet.’

 

Putting it another way we have waaayyyy less agency than we think.

 

So are we victims of our biology? Should we throw our hands into the air in exasperation (or into a bag of cookies & indulge)? Do we despair our lack of control?

 

Nope – not at all. Rather it’s a time to enlarge your heart & your perspective.

 

Because we all want to belong, we all want to make a contribution here’s to holding people accountable AND recognizing the hidden currents that may be affecting others behaviour such as mental health, poverty, racism, sexism, & yes, hunger.

 

After all a hungry belly has no ears ~ Greek saying.

 

As a learning & development expert (aka training) I always make a point of asking clients if the participants I’ll be working with have any access or inclusion issues. I want to know if there anything that they know of that will affect the participants’ learning.

 

Here are some of the responses I’ve received over the years:

 

  • one person had just come back to work after being on leave because they’d been kidnapped
  • one person had just returned to work after having brain surgery
  • some groups need specific times to pray
  • some want lots of physical activity while some want none (one was very specific that there be no jumping)
  • some have had issues with incarceration, abuse, addiction, gender based violence etc.
  • one group was going through a huge change process & were stressed to the max
  • one group had experienced a massive mistake that cost the lives of several people
  • while another had members who’d survived a terrorist attack

 

Of course not all groups I work with have such significant access & inclusion issues but I always take for granted that at least one person in the group has issues with trauma, mental health, poverty, racism, sexism etc.

 

I don’t need to know who’s gone through what.

I just know that people bring their whole, complicated, messy, beautiful selves to the training & it’s my job to make them as comfortable as possible so everyone can lean in to the learning.

 

So tomĀto or tomĂt0, refuse (rhymes with shoes & means to deny or not accept) or refuse (rhymes with chartreuse & means waste or garbage) our perspective is affected by more than we can know. This has a big affect on access & inclusion issues – how accessible learning is & how included people feel for example.

 

Go feed your belly so your ears are open & in turn, widen your perspective.

 

Take action now:

  • What are some access & inclusion issues you’ve noticed & how do they affect your perspective? Hit reply & let me know.
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It can be hell in the hallway

Photo Credit: giovanni_cardona Flickr via Compfight cc

 

… one of my favourite sayings is “God doesn’t close one door without opening another, but it can be hell in the hallway.” My sister Hillary. You, our nation, our world is experiencing a black Friday. Our hope is that Sunday is coming. But it might well be hell for a while. – message to Hillary Clinton from her pastor.

 

Regardless of your religious/spiritual beliefs, talk about a punch to both the gut & the soul.

 

Never before in history have we been so close & yet so far apart.

 

It’s a matter of perspective.  For example, for the first time technology has the power to call together or wrench us apart.

 

 

 

Building alliances instead of adversaries

Building alliances instead of adversaries has been on my mind a lot as I’m thick in the middle of redeveloping & redesigning my business & my website (hang tight for fab new site coming in next few months).

 

We need tools to help us belong so we can breathe & then beam (showering our powerful gifts on the world). Yet world events (& some world leaders) conspire to entrench multiple, deep, intractable divides which has resulted in trauma for hundreds of thousands of people.

 

Most of us have experienced some form of trauma. It’s part of the topic of the next learning & development roundtable gathering where we’ll be talking about how to serve people who face multiple challenges. (Haven’t heard of the roundtable? Let me know you want to join here & I’ll add you to the mailing list. Know that we meet face to face & we Facebook live our meetings so you can join in virtually too).

 

The Body Keeps the Score

It’s also the focus of the book I’m most recently reading ‘The Body Keeps the Score; brain, mind & body in the healing of trauma.’ The author, Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, says that research shows that children who were separated from their parents during the Blitz ‘fared much worse than children who remained with their parents & endured nights in bomb shelter & frightening images of destroyed building & dead people.’ If that’s not a case for the incredibly important nature of attachment I don’t know what is.

 

It’s a matter of perspective. There is a time to seek allies & there’s a time to challenge adversaries. There is a time to cocoon & a time to be bold of action. There’s a time to pull up the drawbridge & hunker down & there’s a time to open that same drawbridge & journey forth.

 

As we make our way through the ‘hell in the hallway’, let’s stay connected & attached. And let us follow Rainer Maria Rilke’s wise words:

 

Being patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.  – Letters to a young Poet

 

And speaking of questions, take action & uncover some wicked questions.

 

What are wicked questions? Questions that are designed to increase innovation & uncover assumptions. Here’s an example: in an effort to decrease the rate of drinking & driving a group asked themselves how they could increase the same. That wicked question led to the invention of a machine that was installed in bars that simulated your eyesight after 1, 2, 3 etc. drinks. Et voila- drinking & driving decreased.

 

What’s a wicked question for our current hell in the hallway? Here’s one: How is it that we are simultaneously unique individuals, part of cultural groups & universal in our humanity?

 

Need some more examples? Here are 6 wicked questions every leader must ask by Doug Williamson (additional notes by me):

  1. Are We Really Clear Headed? Hot tempers can get the best of us. The situation will look different depending on how you’re feeling in the moment.

 

  1. Are We Using The Right Lens? As the creator of Life Lenses™ this is one of my favourites – take in the view from the balcony (Mountain Life Lens™) AND the dance floor (Carrot Life Lens™).

 

  1. Have We Been Totally Honest? Self-deception is deceptively easy (pun intended). Check out your musings with a variety of diverse colleagues & friends.

 

  1. Has Our Culture Evolved With The Times? Take some time to examine your work culture, your family culture etc. & how it’s influencing your thoughts & behaviour. And know that the best way to learn more about your own culture is to immerse yourself in another.

 

  1. Have We Banished Complacency? Hang out in your head & reflect, then get up off the couch & take action. Rinse. Repeat.

 

  1. Are We Breaking New Ground? Check out my creativity assessment if you need to amp yours up.

 

 

So while “God doesn’t close one door without opening another … it can be hell in the hallway.” If you find yourself in said hallway, seek connections & attachment, pay attention to trauma & its effects & ask yourself some wicked questions.

 

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ICTs for you from my eLearning Africa workshop – 3 rules & 3×3 tools

 

‘Are you on the beach?’ my partner asked me. ‘I don’t know,’ I replied, ‘it’s dark & I can’t see.’

 

I was newly landed in Mauritius, a tiny speck of an island off the east coast of Africa. The evening opening reception for the eLearning Africa 2017 conference was kicking off, where I’d present my workshop on Wrestling ICTs to serve community & learning while increasing ease & efficiency (see below where I share my free ICTs resources).

 

The next morning my jaw dropped as I could see what was cloaked in inky darkness the night before. I breathed in the salty air that wafted through the palm leaves & watched the waves break over the natural reef that surrounds Mauritius to keep out the sharks & make swimming safe. The conference was right beside the ocean on a startling white strip of beach.

 

Back to ICTs though. In our fast paced technology laden world, ICTs (information communication technology which includes social media), can often inundate & overwhelm us.  Do you sometimes feel like it’s obvious to everyone but you?  Can you relate to this adorable toddler?

 

There is no lack of technology tools, in fact the ever-increasing number of ICT tools can easily be overwhelming. If you’ve ever disappeared down the rabbit hole of time sucking tech, only to emerge bewildered, confused &/or frustrated then this is for you.

 

I get your ICT overwhelm. I get your ICT pain.

 

If you’ve read some of my recent blog posts you’ll know I’ve had some significant health issues. I’ve always been a fan of interesting ICTs but a silver lining from my health issues, as I wasn’t able to type or write for months this year, has been trying out adaptive technologies for the first time.

 

Example #1: Oh Dragon dictation app how I love thee (a free app that transcribes your voice so you can email etc. with ease).

 

Example #2: After some 30 decades of using my beloved daytimer, with not being able to write or type for months, I’m now firmly digital. Hello Google calendar.

 

Forging ahead, in my workshop we looked at wrestling back control for how to use ICTs to:

 

  • Listen & engage
  • Learn & teach
  • Increase your ease & efficiency

 

 

But before we dive into some ICTs tools I invite you to follow 3 rules for preventing migraines & wrestling ICTs successfully:

 

1. Have faith in yourself, you got this!

 

Beware the voice in your head that tells you you’re not smart enough, that you can’t do this, that you’re dumb. If you hear that voice simply brandish an imaginary feather duster & dust away that uninvited guest.

 

2. Be in charge – take the reigns

 

Instead of ICTs controlling you, take charge. Put yourself in the drivers seat & take those reigns.

 

3. Make room for the curve (the learning curve that is; give yourself time to learn)

 

Anything kind of learning, especially learning about ICTs, requires a learning curve. Give yourself space, time & patience to learn. If you expect it to take a bit before you’re smooth sailing if/when you hit a bump in your learning you’ll get over it faster.

 

Once you have the rules under your belt identify one work-related pain points (areas that are causing frustration &/or lack of productivity) that technology can help relieve.

 

Not sure what I mean by pain? Here are some examples:

  • You need to do research but have no time
  • You need to get input for a project but you’re overwhelmed
  • You’re confused about who on your team is where doing what & how to connect team members up
  • You’re overwhelmed by data & need to do analysis quick so you can share (or you want to pick up on trends or start a discussion)
  • You’re fearful of your data being boring & ignored
  • You’re scared you might inadvertently use photos for a presentation, report or newsletter that you aren’t authorized to use
  • You’re drooling over infographics but overwhelmed how to make them for your own use
  • Ack! You need help with your blender brain (capturing, storing, sharing information & ideas)

 

Now for your ICTs goodies

Check out 3 example tools for each of the 3 tool types (tools for listening / learning / ease & efficiency) (that’s 9 tools for you math whizzes). Hint: there’s a tool for each of the pain points listed above. Sweet pain relief is on the way.

All you have to do is download my worksheet, which gives examples of pain points & easy, free tools that can help. And keeners can download my PowerPoint deck here too.

So instead of feeling pain when it comes to ICTs learn how to identify your pain point(s) & use technology as an effective, efficient balm, so you can get on with your work & your life.

Let me know which ICTs pain point you face most & which tool(s) you’ve tried. I’d absolutely love to hear.

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2 alternative conflict resolution techniques I picked up at the UN

Photo Credit: Archives New Zealand Flickr via Compfight cc

 

√ Your blood pressure is boiling

√ You’re quietly simmering with your jaw aching from clenched teeth

√ Your heart is beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings

√ You’re as cool as ice while you plot your revenge &/or

√ Your every muscle is screaming run, as you plan your escape

 

These are but a few of possible responses you might have when conflict rears its head. All of which take away from strategizing & moving towards conflict resolution.

 

Speaking of resolution, you likely have one or two tried & true techniques. Call human resources? Call your mother? Arbitration? Mediation? Prayer?

 

Holly Weeks author of Failure to communicate; How conversations go wrong & what you can do to right them (I’ve written more about her work here & here) says we often view conflict resolution as a closed fan with only one or so go to technique. Our goal however should be to open the fan & discover a continuum of choices for resolution.

 

Recently I was in NYC at the UN’s General Assembly, a mecca of conflict & conflict resolution, where I picked up two surprising ways to move a conflict forward.

 

1. How to resolve a conflict when you can’t speak

 

When UN delegations are dealing with sticky situations & they’re not supposed to officially speak to each other (for political reasons) how can they possibly resolve their conflict?

 

In order to get on the General Assembly floor, high level delegations are exquisitely choreographed in their movements, to the tune of walk out of room, turn left, go 50 meters, turn right, take elevator on left to second floor, walk 105 meters etc. They make a Boy Scout orienteering hike look like kindergarten.

 

Back to delegations who aren’t supposed to officially speak to each other but have tricky conflicts to resolve. What’s a delegation to do?

 

They arrange an informal ‘brush by,’ which is where delegations will ‘accidentally’ run into each other while on the move. Quick snatches of time can be had for dialogue & dealing with conflict while passing in the hallway.

 

How you can use the concept of a brush by

 

When you have a conflict with someone & it’s ill advised to try to resolve the conflict in a formal setting, try an informal resolution.

 

As a mom to teen boys I know this all too well. Many a car ride, with both of us facing forward & not each other, have led to intriguing conversations about tough subjects.

 

Think about where you can broach tough subjects – for example the office water cooler (make sure it’s private), a stairwell, a coffee shop, on the way to work, a park etc.

 

2. The role of data in decision making & conflict resolution

 

While in New York I attended  Gender Equality, Data and Decision Making put on by Equal Measures 2030.

‘What do policymakers really think and know about gender equality?’

Equal Measures 2030 shared results of a study asking 109 policy makes in 5 countries about the state of women in the labour force, maternal deaths etc. which were shocking. Policy makers … the folks making the policies & the laws that influence these things … were woefully uninformed.

 

For example while 78% of men thought men & women are more equal now than 5 years ago, only 55% of women thought the same. Conversely 44% of women thought women & men were the same or less equal now than 5 years ago, only 19% of men thought the same (see the image below).

 

Talk about a data gap.

 

Even worse was the policy maker’s perception of maternal mortality. You can see in the graph below that 94% of responses were more than 20% off the correct answer. Oy!

 

 

The challenge in resolving the conflicts of maternal death, women in the labour force & other gender based issues becomes one of starting with the right data.   The results of this survey waves a giant flag for where to focus advocacy efforts – in this case education.

 

How you can use data in decision making & con res

 

Conflict makes us want to fight, flee or freeze, all of which are not ideal for well thought out conflict resolution processes but are ideal growing ground for assumption making, jumping to conclusions, posturing & narrowing one’s view, sometimes to the width of a pinprick.

 

Next time you’re in a conflict setting take multiple deep breaths & ask yourself what data you need to move forward. How can you gather more information? More facts? Who do you need to talk to in order to get a fuller picture? What research can you do to get more informed?

 

So open your fan & add a couple of new techniques. Brush by’s (‘accidentally’ & informally meeting up with the person you’re having conflict with) & pressing pause to gather more data are two tools that will help move a stuck, stalled conflict towards smooth sailing.

 

This week I’m in Mauritius, attending & presenting at the eLearning Africa conference. I’ll share some of my learnings next week’s post.

 

Until then, save yourself from banging your head against your computer screen in frustration when a tenacious conflict arises & first open your fan & look for more options to resolve a conflict (including gathering more info).

 

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Police, secret service agents & FBI are everywhere.

Photo Credit: dmott9 Flickr via Compfight cc

Police, secret service agents & FBI are everywhere. And those are only the ones I can see. I wonder how many snipers are stationed out of sight. Roads are blocked with huge cement bomb blast protectors. Traffic is cordoned off & diverted, while the streets are a colourful riot of every skin shade you can imagine, surpassed only by the array of wildly colourful & diverse garb that folks are wearing.

 

The last 3 weeks I’ve written about:

 

So it seems fitting that I close this mini-series while I’m in New York City, ½ a block from the United Nations General Assembly.

 

I’m not sure which side of the equation I fall on

I’m not sure which side of the equation I fall on – hopeful that world leaders can gather for dialogue & debate or despair that for such to happen, such an armed presence is required.

 

But then I think about the following:

 

Pessimistic or optimistic?

“When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data.

“But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse.

“What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world.”

—Paul Hawken

 

And …

Our different faces

We all have “many different faces, and some are ugly and self-absorbed/narcissistic.  But each moment is another opportunity to love again, to ‘become’ more.  And as the times seem to grow increasingly fractious and fragile, I’m also seeing people dive into danger without a second thought to help someone else. I see great sorrow, loss and pain and I’m seeing so much light in the ruins of the world it takes my breath away.  Light like I’ve never seen before.  And as the struggle continues to keep going, I’m so grateful to witness the extraordinary and the hope that rises, that won’t be denied.” – An edited quote from a reader named Sam.

 

And ….

Medical emergency in the sky

I think about being jolted awake on the flight here to New York by passengers yelling. A young man was having a grand mal seizure. I rushed towards him & together with a wonderful Egyptian surgeon, we managed to stabilize him & keep him safe. As I yelled for help (for someone to get his id so we knew what language he spoke & to determine if he was carrying any health records, which he was) people were only too willing help. Many coloured hands helped to hold him steady as we all knelt together in cramped quarters so he didn’t hurt himself as he flailed about. I watched male airline staff quietly caress him & kiss him on his head after he was stable. The doctor & I stayed with him until we landed & the paramedics boarded & took over.

 

And ….

 

I revise my wonderings.

I am grateful that world leaders can gather together to work towards peace & justice for all.

Despite our wobbly world, it is a beautiful place, as are the people in it.

Including you dear reader. Including you.

So do take up the reigns of reflection & match them with action so goodness outweighs evil, inclusion becomes the norm & there is peace, justice & equity for all.

 

 

P.S. Take action:

 

  • How many times have you stood by when witnessing something that conflicted with your values because you didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to say the wrong thing, were embarrassed etc.?

 

  • Or how many times were you the victim of racism, sexism, gender based violence etc. & weren’t able to stand up or advocate yourself because it was too risky, or you didn’t know what to say?

 

  • Review my suggestions for how to reflect & then take action. Because the world needs you.

 

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